Wednesday, April 15, 2009

hope, confusion and heartbreak


My heart is aching.
It is as simple as that.

Tears are falling from my eyes.
You are still going to be my last thought
Before I close them, as I drift into sleep.

Despite my rude, harsh comments towards her,
Inside I am just hurting. Just hurting.
Hurt. Sad. Bitter.

There is nothing certain in this life,
Not even your current situation.
But uncertainty is far more applicable to me,
Because I do not know if I will ever have you.
That glittering, heavenly chance with you.

I cannot stand how much pain this is.
It is more painful that you are happy,
And I am not.

I try ever so hard to forget about you.
Yet I do not know why after all these years,
I still feel the same way about you.
Maybe even stronger than I thought it was.

I wish there was some concrete justification.
Why I am feeling like this,
Why I cannot let you go.

Perhaps the only hope I am clinging unto.
Simply, that is why.

---

Feels just so fine
When we touch the sky me and you
This is my idea of heaven
Why can't it always be so good
But it's alright, I know you're out there
Doing what you've got to do
- Lost in Space, Lighthouse Family

People say watch your live through a glass
Desperately waiting on a chance
I know you're out there
Holding on
Holding out for me
- Unmistakable, Backstreet Boys


I feel so desperate.

"I'm glad I met you" @ 1:30 AM |

"Having a good life is having good people around you. Just ask Arashi."

I turn back time to relive each moment...
I turn back time to revive each emotion I've felt...
I turn back time to feel the happiness I have sensed some time in my life.

(Best viewed at 1024 x 768 resolution on Internet Explorer.)

THE SPECIAL ONE

Name: jadenmd
Call me Jess/Jessa/Jessie.
Age: 21

Music lover. iPod girl. A writer (or so she thinks). A lazy-but-surprisingly-good student. Fanatic. Or an obsessed freak. Obsessed fan of Whose Line is it Anyway?, House M.D., Doctor Who, The Office, Psych, The Big Bang Theory, Criminal Minds, 嵐 (Arashi), The Backstreet Boys and The Beatles. A fan of the oldies music. Adores Robert Sean Leonard, Hugh Laurie, Stephen Fry, David Tennant, Jason Mraz, Clay Aiken, Ryan Stiles, Colin Mochrie, 二宮和也 (Ninomiya Kazunari), Bill Hader, Matthew Gray Gubler and Johnny Depp. In other words, still an obsessed freak. Okay singer and dancer. Frustrated musician. Silent but very bubbly. Net-addict. Couch potato. A hopeless romantic. Really. The most optimistic person on earth. A Filipino. God's server in her own way.

I feel today.

DESIRES

all The Beatles album there is (already got ELEVEN)
Learn to drive
HARRY POTTER DVDS! BOXED SET
The Nightmare Before Christmas DVD
Arashi members stuff:
DVDs, photobooks, albums
Perry Mason DVDs
MAY 24, 2012 TO COME

and of course...

To finally witness again an Arashi concert and get fanservice from Nino orz :)

PEOPLE AROUND ME

One Hot Chick | Justine Elle
Shei | Chang | Nikka | Joycie
Diana | Kris | Renz
Katrina | April Dawn
Rizelle | Riela | Mia | Joyce
Jenn | Berna | Joanne | Nhet
Mea (Xanga) | Mea | Jeula | Eri
Trish | Ate Kay | Ate Ian | Roni

OTHER WORLDS

Follow me on Twitter! or here. ;)
Me LiveJournal
The ever reliant YouTube
Friendster
House, M.D. Guide
House on FOX
Whose Line is it Anyway? on Wiki
Doctor Who on the BBC
The Office on NBC
Psych on USA Network
Jason Mraz's Journal
The Bloomfields!
Arashi's Page on Johnny's Net
Steve's Beatles Page
The greatest band to have walked this Earth

SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

February 2006 | March 2006 | April 2006 | May 2006 | June 2006 | July 2006 | August 2006 | September 2006 | October 2006 | November 2006 | December 2006 | January 2007 | February 2007 | March 2007 | April 2007 | June 2007 | July 2007 | August 2007 | September 2007 | October 2007 | November 2007 | December 2007 | January 2008 | February 2008 | March 2008 | April 2008 | May 2008 | June 2008 | July 2008 | August 2008 | September 2008 | October 2008 | November 2008 | December 2008 | January 2009 | February 2009 | March 2009 | April 2009 | May 2009 | June 2009 | July 2009 | August 2009 | September 2009 | October 2009 | November 2009 | December 2009 | January 2010 | February 2010 | March 2010 | April 2010 | May 2010 | June 2010 | July 2010 | August 2010 | September 2010 | October 2010 | April 2011 | July 2011 | October 2011 | December 2011 | January 2012 | February 2012 | April 2012 |

who's not studying? *raises hand*
anyone watching AI? :O
um, whatever.
i wish my tears would reach you
because i was probably long gone
fangirl stories that don't involve me
anniversaries are always fun ^^;
oh god Sho-phase .__.
in keeping with tradition (and promises)
i can't think straight right now

CREATION

Layout Concept:
Urban*Faery's skins
*Faeryvixen's skins*
Blogskins
Image-Hosting:
Photobucket
ImageShack
TinyPic
Scans:
suoncom (c/o jesychan @ LiveJournal)
Tagboard:
Cbox
Mood Indicator:
iMood
Brushes:
Sanami276 @ DeviantArt
Celestial-Star.net
GIFs:
SpazzCrack comm @ LJ
Lyrics/Translation:
Quartet4.net

Image by jadenmd (See disclaimer)

DISCLAIMER

About the images used: From Myojo April 2010 and Arashi School Calendar 2009-2010. I am NOT affiliated with Ninomiya Kazunari, Arashi or Johnny's Entertainment NOR do I own them. I'm just a fangirl who enjoys Arashi and its ever-lovely fandom. ^__^
About the design: Although the brushes used aren't mine, I created the whole thing. The image I mean. So don't steal that. Please.
Credit me if you want to use it.

WHY LOVE ARASHI? ♥

Because they are such dorks. Naturally. :Db


Because abuse = love. ♥


Because I'm biased. XD *shot*

IMAGINE PEACE

by Yoko Ono, for the birthday of John Lennon. =)