Monday, October 27, 2008
for thursday, october 23One look.
A sigh.
I knew you recognized me. I just knew it.
You could even say you didn't, and I was just imagining things, but that look meant something.
I know it did.
And now I'm feeling the same way again. It's indescribable. It's puzzling. It's inevitable.
And I know I cannot do anything about it.
Do I have to wait again and see what happens?
Do I have to exert that much effort in waiting just so I could get this turbulent feeling again?
So I am that stupid huh.
What's more, it's just like before; I've always hated waiting.
Maybe I should stop altogether.
Everything would be better that way.
"I'm glad I met you" @ 10:24 PM | 0 were glad to meet me.
Friday, October 24, 2008
just wanted to share thisIt was a dark and cold night. I was alone, sitting on an old wooden bench where it had rained. I could still feel the raindrops falling from above, even though it had stopped raining almost an hour ago. Perhaps the immense loneliness made me feel like the rain was still pouring above me.
I remembered the times I had almost forgottten about him. Nothing really significant had happened between us, and I guess that had been one of the reasons why I easily had forgotten about him. I remembered why I hadn't cared at all.
"Are you okay?"
I looked up and saw him, holding in his right hand an umbrella. He immediately covered me above with it.
It irritated me that all this time, it had been easy for him to be so kind.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I tried to look away.
"You don't look fine to me."
He sounded concerned. Why should he anyways? It's not like I was that special to him.
But was he that special to me?
"I'm fine," I insisted, still trying to look away. I did not want to see his concerned face. "You don't have to be so kind."
"Why?"
He now sounded saddened. I didn't know why he did all of a sudden; did he became sad because I shut him down?
Maybe he just didn't like being shut down. Not because it was I who did it.
"I don't need that kind of treatment." I knew it was a harsh thing to say, but it was for both our benefit altogether.
"Why, don't you feel you should be treated that way?"
Not by him, that's for sure.
"You don't even know me well."
"Do I have to?"
I hated the way he asked that last one; but no--he wasn't even asking--he was trying to prove a point. And that was the problem: it had been so natural for him to be so considerate that I couldn't tell whether he's doing it because he truly cared or because he felt it was the right thing to do.
"You're creating false hopes," I firmly stated, glancing at him for a few seconds. He had done that to me before, and certainly it's going to happen again, if only for my own stupidity. "Especially for idiots like me."
And then there was this certain charm he had that always made me tell the truth, every time I looked at him.
"You're not an idiot."
"I am. It's just been always hard for me to admit."
I had to admit that now, because I didn't want it to be too late. And I had to let him know, just to make him realize the damage he hadn't known he'd been doing.
A long pause.
I was afraid of what he'd been thinking. I always knew what could a person be thinking, but he'd always been a pleasant exception. I never knew why. A case of being special perhaps?
He then smiled. "You're being ridiculous. You're a smart girl."
I looked away again in hopes he'd stop using his ever-effective charms. It's somehow distracting for me. "Stop. Don't even try--just stop doing that. I feel even more like a fool than I already do."
"You're implying that this was all your fault, huh." It wasn't a question at all.
The one thing I was most afraid of? He could read my mind so easily when I couldn't read his, at all.
"Wasn't it?"
Another awkward pause. But I was happy to make this conversation longer.
"It wasn't," he sounded firm, despite having an obviously inaccurate answer. "I do things because I want to, so it hasn't been your fault at all."
Because he wanted to? So that meant...
"You're lying," I shook my head; it was all too good to be true.
"I'm not," he smiled for the nth time that day, as if trying do the smiling for me. "Why would I even bother if I don't like what I'm doing?"
"Because you think that's the right thing. You do what's right." I raised that point again. After all, it all came back to that "You're so kind I don't know if it's just me or everyone" notion again.
"So it's the right thing to treat you that way?" I knew he was beginning to prove another point. Why must he always be right?
"You think so?" I started to feel my nerves jitter again. I wanted to give him a sarcastic retort, if he would just let me.
"I'm asking you; you're the one who brought it up."
I sighed. "Why not? I was supposed to be treated that way--"
"--but not everyone did."
"They did," I felt my cheeks reddened. "Just not as extraordinarily as you."
"Do you like me to reiterate my point again?" He raised his eyebrows with a smirk I'd never seen before. He was seldom smug, although he should be. He really should be.
I shook my head. I had been already been defeated in the first place, as I finally realized. All those illusions in my head, some of them were going overboard, some of them were half-truths, some of them were surreal... but true. I didn't dare knowing what were the thoughts that fell on each of those classifications. I just couldn't bear the confusion anymore.
Then there it was. A tear just fell down the side of my left cheek.
Struggling to find the answers that leave me wondering even more.
"I'm glad I met you" @ 12:42 AM | 0 were glad to meet me.
Monday, October 20, 2008
last october 11...Okay, before anything else, I have to acknowledge a few things.
1) THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO GREETED ME (and even made Nino banners :3) ♥♥♥!! You all truly made my 18th birthday more special that it's already been. ♥
2) MEME! OMG, I'll get to those in my next post okay?
3) For those who still doesn't know: I don't actually have a niban. I consider all the other four as my niban, though admittedly there has been a "rank" of some sort (I just don't keep track). I'd like to think it's because of my 'fair and just' nature--Libran thing. :P Anyways, instead, I declare something like 'niban of the week'. And for the first time in weeks, I already have my definite niban for this week: Sakurai Sho. Other than because my best friend is currently neglecting Sho for Inoo Kei, Sho is actually my wallpaper now. (Wink Up 11-08 anyone?) So... yeah. I actually refused to have him as a niban for a long time because he kept invading my dreams. XD
So the main part. Uh, from where I live, it's accustomed to have 18 roses, 18 candles, etc. as part of their debut celebration. I learned that the advantage of this is that you get to persuade people to come, hence, you'll have less worries on the "Will I have enough guests?" part. The disadvantage, on the other hand, is that the guests might not enjoy the event as much as the debutant would. (And don't give me the argument that "It's your birthday anyway, let them think what they want to think," because I don't want my guests hating me afterwards. LOL. XD
My solution? To have a mini-program and a band instead. :)
Some of you may be surprised of this, but I'm in love with the Beatles and all the other artists around that era. The band I got was called the Bloomfields (Hi Trish, Mea, The Trees and Twisted Little Weirdos :D), and they're kind of similar, if not completely, to the aforementioned band. So to speak they belong to that genre. ^__^ It was actually a very fun night; I never got wrong with what I chose to have on my birthday. :3 But actually, my parents surprised me with this since I didn't know I had them until July this year. XD
Here be pictures :D
(I got these from various sources, not mine really XD)
Hi guys! This is what I look like.
Kidding aside, this was actually my first dress, before the band performed. Many people liked my headdress. LOL.
That's me and my college blockmates. What I really love about them is that I never feel alienated whenever when I'm with them, considering I was nearly an anti-social nut in high school (and all the kids wanted to be cool and popular -.-). I'm glad they came too. :)
My souvenir! I never got wrong on this one too; it seemed to be a good idea to have this photobooth as a souvenir booth. Check them out here. (LOL I can't believe I just marketed them, darn Marketing professor. |D;;)
Here I am with the band. (As you can see I was doing a familiar pose. I-I'm afraid that's not the only shot where I was doing that. BTW HMM I WONDER WHOSE TRADEMARK POSE IS THAT? XD)
With my high school friends who got rid of their shyness and danced with me the entire night! Woo~ \o/\o/\o/
W-What did I tell you? :DDD
I forgot to say that this was my second dress, and my favorite one. :3 You'd notice something about the color too, although I really wanted a yellow dress. :P
Again, my college friends. It was so sweet of them to come. :)
My
Now with the girls. I didn't have candles, so. XD
Finally, with my best buds in the world (from L-R): Ate* Iya (my cousin), Ate* Tin (my sister ♥), EJ (my twin! lol he's my cousin too) and me.
* "Ate" is the Filipino term for oneechan. ^__^
There you go. :) I really had fun; actually no perfect words could ever describe that.
Hope you didn't get bored or anything. XD
Oh and one last flail: Nino's "POST-ITS?!" or continuous hiccups? XD
"I'm glad I met you" @ 12:21 AM | 0 were glad to meet me.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
more of a birthday picspamIt's October 8. Yes, I'm a day late for this one. But unfortunately, I couldn't do anything about my piling schoolworks. And I hate that. (-.-*)
Anyways back to the topic. Okay, for one, even before I became a fan of Arashi, I've been fangirling this guy, and maybe, just maybe, he's one of the reasons why I was led into that cracky fandom. But aside from that, I really adore his positive personality and his impressive acting. Besides, really now, who wouldn't fall in love with the ever-funny-yet-so-adorable Nakatsu Shuichi? :3
Oh man, now you know whom I'm talking about. XD
Here's to my first ichiban and my favorite outside Arashi...
(Scan from this archive. Thank you! ♥)
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Uh next. So okay, in line with the birthday post, I'm going to share a really adorable gift I got from my very good friend (and partner-in-crime... that's seriously our relationship now XD). I LOVE YOU FOREVER FOR THIS. She really knew what I wanted. (That's how great minds work, yes?)
(Click to enlarge :3)That's the best gift ever. ♥
(Aside from my dad saying to my mom that my favorite actor is Nino, but that's an entirely different thing. LOL.)
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Lastly, what's a picspam post without an Arashi screencap?
I'm just saying, I actually like Jun's hair. Not as much as I liked his previous one, but it's better than a long hairstyle (*shudders*) or his permed hair.And, I have a theory of why Leader cut his own hair: he didn't like his hair too long like in Maou, especially at the top, because it was too hot (or too bothersome). So, even though he just had a haircut (please refer to episode 11 of Maou :D), he still cut his hair. Because he can. The end. 8D
So much for having a break. I have an important event on Saturday and I still have tons of paper to do, including a 3-page biography of my friend (don't ask; it's for history class). *sighs*
"I'm glad I met you" @ 11:57 PM | 0 were glad to meet me.
Monday, October 06, 2008
today's a special day.It’s that time of the year again. Once again, it seems like I’m forcing to write something for you, just because it’s your special day. It seems like that, especially because I seem to be thinking more of a lot of other things. Well guess what, would I even bother writing this for you if I don’t think of you even just for one second?
It’s inevitable; it’s still your special day. Happy Birthday. If I could bring out a cake with candles on it for you, I would. Because a special person’s special day needs to be celebrated after all. How I wish you’re having fun on your special day.
I remember the first time I saw you—and no, I won’t tell the same story again—the first time I ever laid my eyes on you. I never thought I’d still be writing for you, feeling for you, after almost two years. Gosh, two years. It’s been TWO YEARS. I can’t even emphasize that enough for everyone to comprehend. Time sure flies so fast. I never even realized that I’ve known you for this long if not for this greeting, since, after all, I’ve greeted you twice for your birthday already.
And for those two long years, we have been through so much. No, that’s not right; I have been through so much. I’m sure for the past year you have been enjoying yourself, and—albeit not having too much work on your hands—you have kept yourself busy. On the other hand, I have been trying so hard to mull over our situation, which, even though it’ll be my fault, a bit saddening on my part. But despite that, I never blamed you. I’ve never wanted to blame you, no matter how hard I tried. I never wanted to create something that would separate us; that’s why I kept quiet. But even so, I cannot say I was never disappointed in you.
That happened again. Shortly before Christmas, do you remember how I felt? Do you remember how I struggled to pretend that I wasn’t upset with what you’re doing? I clearly remember—of course I did—how I’d expected that from you and yet I didn’t believe it, until I saw some proof and heard some stories. Somewhere in my heart, I didn’t want to feel any negativity against you. Maybe that’s why my natural course of action was to stay away. I didn’t want to see you; I didn’t want to talk to you; I didn’t want to think about you. Because I knew I would just remember what you did. It’s silly I know, but no feelings can ever deny how I thought of you. But I knew there was a way. So for me, I guess the only way for us to get back to where we were before was for me to miss you.
And guess what? It did happen. I missed you… a whole lot. Perhaps at one point I regretted that I didn’t put as much attention to you as I wanted during that time, because now, I cannot even find ways to see you again; but as I tell you all this again, it all somewhat makes sense. I guess this is what they call, “Everything happens for a reason.” I surely didn’t know how in the world I would bring back what we used to have, but I believe it’s all for the better.
We don’t need to talk about my other priorities, obsessions and whatnot. This is YOUR day. I wish I could say more good things about you, but the problem arose when we had that gap. I’ve always wished I didn’t resort to avoiding everything that reminded me of you. I’ve always wished that—along with everything else that makes me happy—I could’ve just forgotten about that and moved on.
It still pains me that now, I can’t do anything about us. I still wish that we could bring back the way it was before, even with the new changes that occurred to us. I still have hope, like before, that I’d see you somewhere we least expected, but because we longed for each other, our encounter would have an entirely different feeling other than feeling something ‘new’.
How ironic is it that last year, I was full of hope and love for you that I was almost the type that couldn’t be fazed by anything else? I could even count the times I’ve mentioned you here. But look at me now. Look at us. Things have changed—I cannot deny that. Yet I still can’t wait for what I’ll say about you in the next year.
Simply put, even after all we’ve been through, I’ve been through, always remember that you’ll be in here. I certainly won’t forget about you. And I still hope I could say these things to you face-to-face, even ten years from now. I certainly would cherish that moment forever in my heart.
You were special to me; you have been special to me; you will always be special to me. Don’t ever, ever forget that. Because in the end, I always end up having these special feelings for you.
Once again, have a special birthday, my love. ♥
Belated Happy Birthday to GREG PROOPS and KEVIN RICHARDSON!
You guys will always be a part of my inspiration. ^___^"I'm glad I met you" @ 7:32 PM | 0 were glad to meet me.
Sunday, October 05, 2008
a few random RL things and a reviewFirst of all, THE WALLPAPER! HOMG lasdkalds;dkalf peniko was so fast and she created two versions!! lkdajdsals (I'm using the orange one, supposedly the shoot's original coloring :P) asl;dkas. Okay I'm done flailing now.
So. Let's move on. Most of you probably don't remember this, but I actually talked about a guy who kept bugging me just because he wanted to (and he did it WHENEVER he wanted to). Yes, he still annoys the heck out of me. (He's so full of air GRR) I can tell he still likes me after all these years and I'll tell you why:
Him: Hey, can I bring [friend's name] too?
Me: Sure, you have a 'plus one' anyway. :)
Him: Hahaha. Oh and can you tell Alex to come? I want to see him.
(Alex was one of our classmates from before too. I don't remember if Alex and this guy were tight-close, but they were pretty close at one point. Also, Alex is my guy best friend. :D)
Me: I haven't talked to him again regarding this. But I want to see him too. Hopefully we will.
Him: Haha. What about me? Do you want to see me?
Seriously. If that doesn't prove my point, I don't know what will. I don't even know why I'm still talking to him. orz
Last random note for the night: I'll be singing this! Talk about random. XD
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So. FINALLY GUYS, I'VE WATCHED AO NO HONOU!! \o/\o/\o/
Last Friday night, at ten in the evening, alone.
Okay, so I'm not really good at analyzing things, much less movies, storylines and whatnot, so I'm just going to put here something I've observed during the course of the movie.
*SPOILERS!!*
I believe this was filmed around 2002-2003? 'Cause the first thing I noticed was how different Nino's voice was from now. At first I couldn't trace his voice (if that was really his or not), but eventually it kind of picked up. So this was Nino's transition period (?), even though he's already 19 there. XDOkay, real thing. YES I think Nino's character (Shuichi) is a freak. The way he plotted death, the way he talked about death, and the way he thought about everything in general. But somehow, I think he's an understandable freak nonetheless. I understood why he was so eager to kill his stepdad. But of course, who would have that as a rational choice to begin with?
But more than anything else, I loved his sweet relationship with his sister. It's kind of wrong to watch Stand Up!! before this one, or even the other way around (LOL XD). But. I loved how he constantly tried to calm his sister down through the entire thing, assuring her no one would get into any trouble or problem. (Makes me want to wish I had a brother like that. :P)
Btw, I totally didn't expect that the stepfather would die so soon. Like, that soon. [/random]
Honestly, I don't really what to make up of Shuichi's relationship with his girlfriend (I forgot her name -_-;). At one point I found her annoying, always asking things, etc. And then, at one point, she had done some help as well. But not so much. I don't really know.
That IS still the longest escalator I ever saw. [/random]
And he's still a freak. Because he gets rid of people he couldn't control by killing them. I should've expected that he'd kill his friend too, but I didn't for some reason. Maybe because I thought Shuichi was really becoming hopeless of his situation? But I think more than twisted, he's rather sad. Especially towards the end. He's sad that he couldn't do anything aside from resorting to violence and murder, but now that he had done the damage, there was much less that he could do. (Btw, I proud to say that I predicted that he'd commit suicide. Not that it's a brilliant conclusion or anything, at least I got something right. XD)
Finally, this goes to show that Nino's a great actor. He's so good that I even forgot how he was a part of Arashi for a while. And actually, I've become afraid that it would change how I think of him. But of course, I won't go there. Haha.
(Yosh, must continue homework~! XD)
"I'm glad I met you" @ 11:19 PM | 0 were glad to meet me.
Thursday, October 02, 2008
flailing before sleep and testsIt's past twelve here and (as always) I'm having my last-minute random blabber here. A few things:
First
HaneTobi.
I'm late
Obviously these two bakas are so much love. ♥♥♥Second
Nino's Como (November 2008) shoots.
I. COULD. NOT. STOP.
If anyone is willing to make me a wallpaper out of these scans, I'd forever surrender my soul to you. D:
Third
This week's AnS.
Oddly, in this episode I really find Jun so adorable
Oh and
"Zutto hanasanai yo."Okay. Done for the day. Also, thank you to theproudpenguin for letting me beta her Sakuraiba fic. I'd love to do more! ♥ ^^
"I'm glad I met you" @ 1:02 AM | 0 were glad to meet me.
