Sunday, February 21, 2010
"this is a way of life~"...lol, sorry about the title. My mother met someone who could "paint your soul", and she's here today. I'm not against it though – most of her readings were quite accurate anyway (like me having not gone through so much [difficulty] because I have so much positivity within me. Or something like that lol). :)
Anyway! Bullet form seems to be more appropriate here. I have so much to say. XD
* First of all, I apologize for the sudden outburst (i.e. er, my last post?) a few days ago. I don't know why I'm apologizing, actually, but I feel like I should. LOL. Anyway, I feel a lot better now: not too depressed, but still a little sad. I don't feel as emotional anymore, although I still think about him every now and then.
* Which leads me to a song: 366日 by HY.
...I am so emo. XD
* I'm taking so long on the "Trip to Japan!" account (I'm still on the third day... please have patience). Really sorry about the loooooooong delay. I am working on it though! So don't worry. And I plan to post it like a day-to-day account rather than a big/long one entry. Look forward to it! :D
* I knew Shibasaki Kou had guested on HnA, but it didn't register to me until I watched the online clips that the people at arashi_on posted. And the best part? Nino = old man. Honestly, how many times will this be brought up? XD It's not like he's going to change anyway. (I snorted when she talked about his being very well-experienced.) And I squealed too when Nino called her コウちゃん. :3
* I watched Heavenly Forest a week ago, and never has a movie made me cry so much, so I told my older sister and she said she wanted to watch it. Here's how her reactions were:
"He's an idiot for not taking action soon enough"
"omg this is so sad"
"Aww, he's so cute"
...which basically led to her crush on Tamaki Hiroshi. Now take note that my sister has a high tolerance to guys (complicated long story), compared to myself at least, so her crushing on a celebrity is quite a long shot, tbh. She probably has more or less 10 of them only. W-Which includes Sho. LOL. So yeah, I'm surprised that she now includes Tamaki in them. J-Just, wow. 8D
- Did you see this post at arama? One of the reasons why I love Japan. ♥
Speaking of, they're coming to Manila this week and I'm watching them
/spaz
* I DREAMT ABOUT GANTZ YOU GUYS. TWICE. Once on Monday last week and once about... two days ago?
The first one, I was with MatsuKen, who was driving, and Nino, who was on the passenger seat. I was on the back seat of the car, and we were being chased by this alien. MatsuKen kept panicking (lol idk either) and Nino was quiet in his seat. Odd.
The second one was like the manga, where people who died in the previous mission couldn't come back to the real world. No Nino nor MatsuKen though.
(See? Even my subconscious self wants Gantz now. D: )
Oh and last random thought:
Thinking about watching Tokyo Tower next, and if possibly, Gantz/Oh-oku > Tokyo Tower, then Nino >>>>>>>> Jun, in all aspects, in my heart FOREVER. XD
*shot by Nino*
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Saturday, February 20, 2010
four for you~Four years and counting. :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BLOG!!!
It's already four years since I started this blog. ...and that's aside from the fact that I had two before this one that I ended up deleting. I don't know why I continued this one though, maybe I finally resolved to writing more interesting things and decided to keep it that way.
And I'm so big-headed to think I'm writing interesting things. :P
Anyway, here's to more years of blogging! I will keep writing, I know I will. ♥
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Tuesday, February 16, 2010
my heart beats uncontrollablyDAMN IT HERE I GO AGAIN.
Okay, let's face it: Finally, I get to see him again and it's nice because at least I know he's still out there and I am aware that he still recognizes me. (SHIT, WAS I HAPPY TO KNOW THAT HE SAW ME AND EVEN CAUGHT MY ATTENTION? YES DAMMIT)
That's why even after all the resolution that I WILL forget about him, the moment I see him, there's nothing I could do but give in to my own feelings and be
Despite that time and again he has reminded me that he has no further interest in me other than being friends, perhaps the fact that I have overlooked that and focused on how he had been so nice to me is why, the sole reason why I am still head-over-heels for him.
But it's not mere admiration.
It's how differently he treated me among other guys I've met, all other guy friends I've had, every other guy I've known. He is different – could I ever have another more believable and justifiable reason than that?
And now...
My heart has been beating fast. My hands are shaking. After eight hours, I am still in this state, even after I have done other things, and after I have tried to get distracted from having thoughts of you.
This only tells me one thing.
I am in pain. I cannot bear the fact that I cannot do anything about this confusion, nor this situation I have been almost nine months ago. I AM STILL THIS WEAK FOR YOU.
Like I have been these past six months, I am ever so helpless.
I was about to cross the street, going to meet a friend to go back to work. And then I heard someone call my name.
I turned around, checking at the same time if I was just, as usual, hearing things.
And I saw you. I could not believe my eyes. "Fate is playing with me again," was my first thought.
But I could not be any happier. That I'll admit. The surprised look on your face, implying that I should not be there. You knew I was not supposed to be there. You remembered. That's right – I was supposed to be at work. I was about to tell you why. But I was with a friend, and we were about to cross the street just before I saw you. But I think I was too distracted to think about that anyway. (I even thought of letting her cross on her own and I'd follow. Because a chance of seeing you again was close to a million. That urge was strong.)
I could not help it: I told you I worked somewhere close. Then, just like once before, you urged me to continue walking instead rather than talk to me. About nine months ago, you did the same thing when you waited for me to come out with you from the elevator, then you realized I was not going to and you let me "go". ...god how I missed you.
I was too preoccupied for the rest of the day, so to speak.
I told the only person who knew about him, about my feelings for him.
"Did your heart beat faster?"
I stopped, thinking hard about her question. I... didn't notice. All I knew was I wanted to talk to him, so badly. If I had my way, I'd probably choose to stop right then and there and talk to him. I don't give a damn whatever might've happened next.
"Do you still like him?" was her next question.
"...I miss how nice he was to me, I guess." I answered that with all honesty I could convey. Because it was the truth. Whenever I think of all the times he was nice to me, I suddenly miss him again.
"You like him that much to miss him that way? Advice: TALK TO HIM."
And I did. Well, sort of. Actually, She told me I could at least send him a message just to relieve this whatever stress I was feeling. Disbelief, thinking it was possible to see him again, was more likely the word to describe it.
Just like before, I was a bit hesitant to send him a message. I have never known why, but it seems to me that I have been afraid of him too much. In what way, exactly? I do not know either. I know he's nice and all, but somehow, I am afraid of him.
The conversation just went normally. But throughout that, I felt like I was being a disturbance to him, especially that he has one semester left before he graduated, meaning this might be his busiest semester yet. I learned he was living near the university, just like I was (even telling me "I guess you could call us neighbors then"), and was doing his thesis. Honestly I was hoping he'd ask about me, but I guess I was hoping too much again.
We talked, hooray. At least I realized
I still cannot believe this happened, though. After all the vowing to the ends of the earth that I would never want to think about you again – because simply, it's hurts – you show up. I even wrote this very short entry about you:
Who needs to go away for a while? Literally, *censored*. Figuratively, *your name*.
Who needs to come back soon? ...ironically, *your name*
I have been denying to myself how much I wanted to see you. And to think, I only wanted you to "go away" for a while because I only end up pitying myself that I'm still clinging onto this hope you've helped me create for myself.
It has never been your fault, but somehow, you are the cause.
And yet, here you are again. Haunting me in my thoughts. I would not be so surprised if you come haunting me in my dreams, as you have many many times even when I have not seen you at all.
In the end, I guess I am just tired of all this. Tired of hoping to see you again, tired of making myself believe you'd feel the same way, tired of getting over you after realizing that bitter truth.
In the end, I am still helpless that I cannot get you off of my mind.
AND I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHY.
If you are wondering, yes, there are tears right now. And my heart is still beating uncontrollably, as fast as when I began writing this.
「もう一度、君に会いたい。 すごく。」
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Sunday, February 07, 2010
a must-post, I thinkA few things:
- I haven't been updated with Arashi these past few days (but I will later, I just need enough time), but I do know that AnS is ending. It's good that Arashi will have a new show, but, isn't it that HnA and VSA are doing all that for them? They don't need another one to catapult them into further popularity – they don't need it anyway. I will miss all the stupidity and perversion and randomness and Ogu-san and. :((((
- So, apparently,
...and yes, it means we should flail more. XD
ETA: I SAW THE SCANS ALREADY. AND KASFJDKLASDFAS. JUST AS I SUSPECTED, I NEED VIDEO PREVIEWS. TRAIN SCENE~! *SQUEALS*
Hmm, is it just me or did MatsuKen gain weight? :/ Also, ROFLing at the sight of Nino standing side-by-side with MatsuKen. Oh the height difference. XD *bricked*
ETA again: ...and another cast announcement, I think. This guy (he's in the Gokusen movie?) blogged that he would play Sakurai Hiroto. I'm actually reading his story arc right now – coincidentally XD – so the character appears in the 108th chapter (Gosh I am so slow).
- I saw depressing photos during the last day of (some of) the crew at The Tonight Show. It is truly depressing. ;_____; I can't believe NBC had the guts to do that to 200+ people just to save someone's *cough* job. sfkldfjdsklfafd
- Finished You're Beautiful! :) I swear it has nothing to do with the drama, but I always hate it when a drama ends per se. I guess I'm not into so much drama before the ending or something. It kind of depresses me. (I know I'm weird.) Current song stuck in my head: Promise. XD Also,
- And I think I have found a new obssession. It's fascinating (for me at least) because:
1. I do have a weird taste and now I feel like I'm the only one fangirling him to the ends of the earth;
2. Weirdly as well, I realize he has a
3. I'm glad he's solo for most part.
...er yeah. I just felt the need to vent it. XD *bricked*
So sorry if it's just a block of text. XD I'll make it up in the next entry (I hope). ♥
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Tuesday, February 02, 2010
this is me, addictedJust an introduction:
I had work on Sunday dawn/dusk and my bosses allowed me to take the day off (er, today) in order to "off-set" that weekend when
I thought to myself, hey, why not start a new drama marathon? I did that
You're Beautiful.
I haven't watched a lot of K-Dramas in a while, so this was a fresh start. And I considered Kisarazu Cat's Eye first (Yes, admittedly I haven't started with that series yet *bricked*), but then I wanted to watch You're Beautiful and actually finish a drama for once. LOL.
So tada! I can't get these boys out of my mind. XD
Tae Kyung was a bit unappealing to me at first (both as a character and an actor lol), but eventually I grew to like him, a lot. He kind of reminds me of Chiaki. Like the tsundere type who doesn't care at first and then suddenly becomes concerned. He also reminds me of Yuki Eiri of Gravitation.
To friends who are asking, he's my favorite ♥ because idk, he triggers the M in me? XD *shot*
(and lol, did I just use Japanese words to describe a Korean character? XD;;)
Ah~ Shinwoo. He's the first one I rooted for, because well, he's just so sweet and caring. And he's the first one to know that Mi Nam is a girl, so. And despite knowing that he has a rival in Tae Kyung, he goes and goes for it anyway. But I think the way that Tae Kyung has become caring too make me like him more. I-It's not your fault Shinwoo. ^^;;
AAAND there's Jeremy. I honestly thought I'd like him most because he's the only one I knew about prior watching this (Hello~ Hong Ki), but well. I actually love the silliness he brings to the drama and how naive and fun his character is. But, really, Tae Kyung is still my favorite, lol.
I'm not finished with this yet (taking a break...), so NO SPOILERS. XD Also, I haven't stopped watching since last night. Ugh this is so addicting. *_____*
ALSO: There will be a Kishimoto Kei (to which Betty and I referred previously as Naked Girl XD) AND there is a naked scene which means, even if they're toning it down for general audiences, they're not completely removing those... defining touches that the manga has. NOW I CANNOT WAIT *spazzes*
*breathes out*
Yes, I'm done. I think I'll watch a little more before I go to
♥♥♥
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