*Turning back time...with life's goodness.*

Sunday, September 16, 2007

i'm a lover all alone.

Even if I wouldn't discover this song if I wasn't being a fanatic, certainly I wouldn't find a song THIS perfect. This perfectly describes where I stand...every single time.

Maybe I've convinced myself I've really been in love.
And I've been wrong, all along.

There were many times I couldn't help myself to fall. Or so I had thought. I always found myself to be inspired, happy, and feeling like I live for someone else, for someone who's very special. There were times I thought that falling in love like there's no tomorrow wouldn't hurt me as much as feeling no love at all.

For all I know the feeling and the picture
that I've tried so hard to find isn't mine.

But every feeling I've ever had wasn't returned often; when it was, it wasn't in the way I wanted it to, not even in the way I had expected it to. Because of that, I've always thought that maybe it wasn't meant for me. So I just go on and on and on. Then it wasn't returned again, possibly for the fourteenth time in a row. I get hurt again. Yet I never stopped. Not even for once.

Could be it's all just a waiting game?
Want to share my everything.

Sometimes I think I won't get what I want. As long as I live this life, I'd just keep doing what I do and still everything would be the same. They wouldn't notice me; they wouldn't want to be next to me; they wouldn't love me. Even if I'm more than willing to give my all to them.

And on my own, it's hard to tell my heart it will be all right.
This love it holds will one day find a home.

But most of the time, I'm still the very optimistic young girl I was born to be. Even now that all the sadness I experience seems clear to me, I still have the inner light that makes me feel I am (or could be) special to someone, although I may or may not know about him just yet. I feel someone can love me for who I am.

As hard as love can be, it's harder still it seems
To be a lover all alone without love.

For as long as it doesn't happen yet, I can't help that I still feel a bit lonely. Sometimes I realize that even one person has already a partner, it is true that the struggle doesn't end there, but it's also true that the "struggle" we all try to traverse, one way or another, is not as easy to solve or to even ponder on. It is the hardest struggle of all.

Picking up the pieces makes me wonder if
I only built it all to watch it fall.

And when I'm at these terribly confusing times, I always think of my future, of what is to become of me, of everything I'm destined to be. Perhaps even with all this cheerfulness and optimism, I let myself be vulnerable because of what I feel. Coming back from getting hurt is hard, especially when you're the only one who felt it.

The faster it can go away,
It means the less of me has gone to stay.
And I'm okay.

Sometimes it makes me think that the world is indeed cruel; that people like me are meant to be tormented this way. But you know, maybe they're right. People who think they are to find love someday, people who like to think they need someone to love, they are selfish, irrational, immature and unrealistic human beings. They don't deserve to be treated rightfully. They don't deserve to find and to have happiness in their lives. But I have to accept that fate, don't I?

But lonesome tomorrow comes anyway.
I'm alone for another day,
another day.

As they say, "Life goes on." With or without someone there to love me back, all I can do is to either do the same or change my ways. I can't change; I've known that since I learned how to love someone who couldn't love me. So I guess I am stuck with this fate for as long as I live.

As hard as love can be, it's harder still it seems...to be a lover all alone without love.

This is a song which lyrics are written by the very talented Clay Aiken. Here is the video of him singing this beautifully haunting song.

P.S. (I am aware that family, friends and career are important things in life as well, but probably the one that is hardest to find is what driving me insane. These people and things make me happy, but I've always thought there is something missing in my life. And it's not their fault at all.)

P.P.S. (I am also aware that I am too young to be considering all these thoughts, but I'm glad that I am mature enough to realize this. And I'm not even in the real world yet. At least when the toughest things come, I'll be prepared for all of that.)

"I'm glad I met you" @ 8:01 PM |

"I know you're out there."

I turn back time to relive each moment...
I turn back time to revive each emotion I've felt...
I turn back time to feel the happiness I have sensed some time in my life.

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THE ONE

Name: Jessie Age: 31
Writer, dreamer, fangirl.

Fandoms:
Whose Line is it Anyway?, House M.D., Doctor Who, The Office, Psych, Saturday Night Live, The Lonely Island, Community, Criminal Minds, New Girl, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, 嵐 (Arashi), V6, Snow Man, The Backstreet Boys, The Beatles, Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party, Rooster Teeth, Achievement Hunter and Funhaus, G4TV, Watcher.

Favorites:
Robert Sean Leonard, Hugh Laurie, David Tennant, Jason Mraz, Clay Aiken, Ryan Stiles, Colin Mochrie, Jeff B. Davis, 二宮和也 (Ninomiya Kazunari), Bill Hader, Matthew Gray Gubler, 井ノ原快彦 (Inohara Yoshihiko), 阿部亮平 (Abe Ryohei), 深澤辰哉 (Fukazawa Tatsuya), Danny Sexbang, Jon Risinger, Michael Jones, Lindsay Jones, Fiona Nova and Alfredo Diaz.

OTHER WORLDS

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