Wednesday, June 25, 2008

here i go again~


So. Again. I'm procrastinating, because I have to study for my managerial accounting test for tomorrow. -___-
Why do I keep thinking that studying is synonymous to "doomsday"? orz

Anyway, I'm here because I want to say I'm fairly satisfied with everything, but clearly I don't feel that way. I DON'T FREAKING KNOW WHY.

(Obviously, this post doesn't have anything to do with Arashi or even with fangirling. I don't know why this post turns out like that either.)

Maybe I could blame my low grades on a recent quiz in calculus. But I always say this was NOT the first time I fell short off of my own pathetic expectations.

I hate it when something bad that has happened and it affects everything of me. It sucks.

And now, I'm starting to feel cold. Like no one cares for me as much as I do for them. T___T

I know, I'm paranoid like that. I just need someone to cheer me up.


Okay.
I'm supposed to write a mini-story today as well. I lost that confidence, much more that will. I just don't feel well right now.

And I didn't even expect that I would be in a bad mood at all. Oh damn these playful thoughts.

Sometimes I do wonder if I am a good person. Sometimes I wonder whether I'm as giving and as generous as my parents, or whether I'm even worthy to be called as their daughter. It's not that they say something regarding that matter. It's just that I'm twisted that way and I can't help but think even about the most ridiculous things.

Do I deserve all the things I have? If so, am I being grateful enough for them?

I know it's not like me to think of things like this. I know I never even say negative things when I'm talking to my friends and to my family, but this. I get irrationally sad too, you know.

Maybe I just don't want to study. Much more, I don't want to fail.

Why can't it be that failures are less likely to happen than success?

Certainly I'm not the best, and certainly I don't have enough kindness in me to not deserve failure. But I do feel I don't deserve to succeed either.

I want to cry.

I don't think I'm even making sense anymore.

I just want to tell someone, anyone, how I incredibly feel bad right now. And I don't even know what happened.


I just feel worthless. :(


But then again, maybe what I'm feeling right now will be gone by tomorrow.

Hopefully it will.

"I'm glad I met you" @ 7:18 PM |

"I know you're out there."

I turn back time to relive each moment...
I turn back time to revive each emotion I've felt...
I turn back time to feel the happiness I have sensed some time in my life.

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THE ONE

Name: Jessie Age: 31
Writer, dreamer, fangirl.

Fandoms:
Whose Line is it Anyway?, House M.D., Doctor Who, The Office, Psych, Saturday Night Live, The Lonely Island, Community, Criminal Minds, New Girl, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, 嵐 (Arashi), V6, Snow Man, The Backstreet Boys, The Beatles, Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party, Rooster Teeth, Achievement Hunter and Funhaus, G4TV, Watcher.

Favorites:
Robert Sean Leonard, Hugh Laurie, David Tennant, Jason Mraz, Clay Aiken, Ryan Stiles, Colin Mochrie, Jeff B. Davis, 二宮和也 (Ninomiya Kazunari), Bill Hader, Matthew Gray Gubler, 井ノ原快彦 (Inohara Yoshihiko), 阿部亮平 (Abe Ryohei), 深澤辰哉 (Fukazawa Tatsuya), Danny Sexbang, Jon Risinger, Michael Jones, Lindsay Jones, Fiona Nova and Alfredo Diaz.

OTHER WORLDS

Official accounts:
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Twitch
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soulmatesolace on Snapchat

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i apologize
incoherent flailing ahead
in love again
just before the BIG day
finally, a different kind of post
i'm supposed to greet someone
with all of that finished
pressured = fangirling like mad
as promised
guess it can't be helped

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WHY LOVE FANDOM? ♥

Because he's the reason I'm not depressed rn. ♥