*Turning back time...with life's goodness.*

Monday, October 06, 2008

today's a special day.

It’s that time of the year again. Once again, it seems like I’m forcing to write something for you, just because it’s your special day. It seems like that, especially because I seem to be thinking more of a lot of other things. Well guess what, would I even bother writing this for you if I don’t think of you even just for one second?

It’s inevitable; it’s still your special day. Happy Birthday. If I could bring out a cake with candles on it for you, I would. Because a special person’s special day needs to be celebrated after all. How I wish you’re having fun on your special day.

I remember the first time I saw you—and no, I won’t tell the same story again—the first time I ever laid my eyes on you. I never thought I’d still be writing for you, feeling for you, after almost two years. Gosh, two years. It’s been TWO YEARS. I can’t even emphasize that enough for everyone to comprehend. Time sure flies so fast. I never even realized that I’ve known you for this long if not for this greeting, since, after all, I’ve greeted you twice for your birthday already.

And for those two long years, we have been through so much. No, that’s not right; I have been through so much. I’m sure for the past year you have been enjoying yourself, and—albeit not having too much work on your hands—you have kept yourself busy. On the other hand, I have been trying so hard to mull over our situation, which, even though it’ll be my fault, a bit saddening on my part. But despite that, I never blamed you. I’ve never wanted to blame you, no matter how hard I tried. I never wanted to create something that would separate us; that’s why I kept quiet. But even so, I cannot say I was never disappointed in you.

That happened again. Shortly before Christmas, do you remember how I felt? Do you remember how I struggled to pretend that I wasn’t upset with what you’re doing? I clearly remember—of course I did—how I’d expected that from you and yet I didn’t believe it, until I saw some proof and heard some stories. Somewhere in my heart, I didn’t want to feel any negativity against you. Maybe that’s why my natural course of action was to stay away. I didn’t want to see you; I didn’t want to talk to you; I didn’t want to think about you. Because I knew I would just remember what you did. It’s silly I know, but no feelings can ever deny how I thought of you. But I knew there was a way. So for me, I guess the only way for us to get back to where we were before was for me to miss you.

And guess what? It did happen. I missed you… a whole lot. Perhaps at one point I regretted that I didn’t put as much attention to you as I wanted during that time, because now, I cannot even find ways to see you again; but as I tell you all this again, it all somewhat makes sense. I guess this is what they call, “Everything happens for a reason.” I surely didn’t know how in the world I would bring back what we used to have, but I believe it’s all for the better.

We don’t need to talk about my other priorities, obsessions and whatnot. This is YOUR day. I wish I could say more good things about you, but the problem arose when we had that gap. I’ve always wished I didn’t resort to avoiding everything that reminded me of you. I’ve always wished that—along with everything else that makes me happy—I could’ve just forgotten about that and moved on.

It still pains me that now, I can’t do anything about us. I still wish that we could bring back the way it was before, even with the new changes that occurred to us. I still have hope, like before, that I’d see you somewhere we least expected, but because we longed for each other, our encounter would have an entirely different feeling other than feeling something ‘new’.

How ironic is it that last year, I was full of hope and love for you that I was almost the type that couldn’t be fazed by anything else? I could even count the times I’ve mentioned you here. But look at me now. Look at us. Things have changed—I cannot deny that. Yet I still can’t wait for what I’ll say about you in the next year.

Simply put, even after all we’ve been through, I’ve been through, always remember that you’ll be in here. I certainly won’t forget about you. And I still hope I could say these things to you face-to-face, even ten years from now. I certainly would cherish that moment forever in my heart.

You were special to me; you have been special to me; you will always be special to me. Don’t ever, ever forget that. Because in the end, I always end up having these special feelings for you.

Once again, have a special birthday, my love. ♥

Belated Happy Birthday to GREG PROOPS and KEVIN RICHARDSON!

You guys will always be a part of my inspiration. ^___^

"I'm glad I met you" @ 7:32 PM |

"I know you're out there."

I turn back time to relive each moment...
I turn back time to revive each emotion I've felt...
I turn back time to feel the happiness I have sensed some time in my life.

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THE ONE

Name: Jessie Age: 31
Writer, dreamer, fangirl.

Fandoms:
Whose Line is it Anyway?, House M.D., Doctor Who, The Office, Psych, Saturday Night Live, The Lonely Island, Community, Criminal Minds, New Girl, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, 嵐 (Arashi), V6, Snow Man, The Backstreet Boys, The Beatles, Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party, Rooster Teeth, Achievement Hunter and Funhaus, G4TV, Watcher.

Favorites:
Robert Sean Leonard, Hugh Laurie, David Tennant, Jason Mraz, Clay Aiken, Ryan Stiles, Colin Mochrie, Jeff B. Davis, 二宮和也 (Ninomiya Kazunari), Bill Hader, Matthew Gray Gubler, 井ノ原快彦 (Inohara Yoshihiko), 阿部亮平 (Abe Ryohei), 深澤辰哉 (Fukazawa Tatsuya), Danny Sexbang, Jon Risinger, Michael Jones, Lindsay Jones, Fiona Nova and Alfredo Diaz.

OTHER WORLDS

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WHY LOVE FANDOM? ♥

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