*Turning back time...with life's goodness.*

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

i've finally figured you out.

I've always asked myself why I've tried and tried to make sense of everything that's happened between and around us. We had our little moments, and that always gave me hope, but actually, there's nothing more after that. I ended up hoping more than the reality could provide me. Worse, I couldn't blame you enough, because you're one of the nicest guys I've ever met, literally. Yet somewhere inside my head, I knew there's something (or someone) I should blame for whatever confusion I had. So of course, by default, I firstly blamed myself: for falling to that typical nice-guy approach you've always shown to all the people that you meet; for not preparing myself for anything that would happen; for being so naive, so stupid.

But when I realized my situation (and actually another person's, but let's not go to that), after years of hoping and months of wondering, I've finally learned what's wrong with what you're doing, despite you being almost perfect.

Firstly, your charms--you certainly know how to use it, and God knows how many women you've made swoon to that particular characteristic of yours. The thing is, you use it all the time; and I've always felt you've used it too much--like you never know how to control it. The result: you left me confused as to what your true intentions were. Maybe I was stupid enough to misunderstand things, but no one could ever completely blame me for everything. (You heard me.) It has always been you who constantly use that charm.

Secondly, your awareness--perhaps this is what I feel most strongly about, although I know I can't prove this definitely. Nevertheless, at least this is what I've observed over the years. Simply put, you've never been aware. I mean, you're nice and (more than) approachable and sweet, but you never try to understand the consequences. For instance, you've never known how I must've felt after everything. You've never even tried, at all. So to speak, I guess your only flaw resides on the fact that you are too oblivious, if not insensitive. I know it sounds harsh, but again, it's my observation and I feel too strongly about this not to let it out.

I guess, you're a typical guy after all.

Finally, the fact that you never stop. You've done it before, you did it again recently, and I'm betting that surely, you'll do it again once we meet. I don't know exactly when you will realize, but I believe it won't be too soon. I'm underestimating you, that's true, but then again I've known you for a while now. And people do not easily change. You will do it again, maybe not to me, maybe not to someone else I know, but you most certainly will.

Notice how these three are very much related to each other, and how much they all lead to one thing: that you do not control something you should, and that you ignore something that you should not.

Don't worry though; I won't want to kill you the next time I see you, cry and beg for your attention, nor do I demand for your apologies. Suffice to say now that I've finally read you like a book (and hopefully I really have), I won't be caught off-guard as badly as before. You're still a nice guy after all. I just wish you well and hope that I'll be the last of your victims, because even if you don't intend it, you have hurt someone. And I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one you can pertain to as "someone".

*breathes out* Woo! Nice to have it all out, finally. :D

"I'm glad I met you" @ 10:07 PM |

"I know you're out there."

I turn back time to relive each moment...
I turn back time to revive each emotion I've felt...
I turn back time to feel the happiness I have sensed some time in my life.

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THE ONE

Name: Jessie Age: 31
Writer, dreamer, fangirl.

Fandoms:
Whose Line is it Anyway?, House M.D., Doctor Who, The Office, Psych, Saturday Night Live, The Lonely Island, Community, Criminal Minds, New Girl, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, 嵐 (Arashi), V6, Snow Man, The Backstreet Boys, The Beatles, Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party, Rooster Teeth, Achievement Hunter and Funhaus, G4TV, Watcher.

Favorites:
Robert Sean Leonard, Hugh Laurie, David Tennant, Jason Mraz, Clay Aiken, Ryan Stiles, Colin Mochrie, Jeff B. Davis, 二宮和也 (Ninomiya Kazunari), Bill Hader, Matthew Gray Gubler, 井ノ原快彦 (Inohara Yoshihiko), 阿部亮平 (Abe Ryohei), 深澤辰哉 (Fukazawa Tatsuya), Danny Sexbang, Jon Risinger, Michael Jones, Lindsay Jones, Fiona Nova and Alfredo Diaz.

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