*Turning back time...with life's goodness.*

Monday, October 18, 2010

finally, it is written

This is partly inspired by a person who expressed the same thing about the same person... almost. And while it's not anyone's special day today (or any time soon, for that matter), when I watched that video of hers, I couldn't help but cry my eyes out, because just like that person to her, this person means a lot to me in more ways than one.

Dear My Sweet Prince,

I am addressing you using this open letter for the first time, as I have been, until now, writing to you through letters found in a small notepad, which I always carry with me. My reason for finally doing an open letter? A person who has openly declared her feelings to someone she admired so much through a written message (albeit online) and a video message. And even though those messages could have had zero chances of reaching him, even though he does not know that she exists at all, she still chose to express her feelings because she knows, within herself, that those feelings are real. Because of that, it didn't hold her back to say what she wanted to say to him.

And so, this is my brave attempt to do the same, to express my feelings for you; that even though there is a little chance for you to read this, I hope to someday, somehow, convey my utmost gratitude to you, because you have been my refuge for the past two years.

Two years.

During the first year, you were someone who just happened to creep his way into my heart without me knowing it. For me, it had been fun watching you, the way you mock others and proclaim yourself as someone who can do anything, and I admit I thoroughly enjoyed that particular side of yours.

But the second year came, and as I bounced back from a once-abandoned arena, I came back slowly but surely, because I knew I had to make it up to you. Then these feelings, I've realized, have started to root themselves deeper in me. Before I knew it -- just like how I've come to like you -- you have become someone whom I think about every single day, whether it is because I "need" to see you or because I want to see you. Either way, it has also become a habit for me that I should give my attention to you significantly. Honestly I have no idea why I feel obligated to do such, but in the back of my mind, I always feel like it's been pulling me back whenever I stray from it.

It's as if, after all the straying, shifting my attention away, I still end up coming back to you.

I guess, circumstances around you also fanned the flames of such feelings within me. Just as often as you mock and make fun of other people, people tend to judge you based on that persona only often as well, when you always, always have a different side to your personality other than what is normally seen. And I have always seen that different side. You make it a point that people do not see you as one-dimensional. But because of that misjudgment, you appear fragile and vulnerable -- although I bet other people can't see that in you -- and to me, that is just a cry for help.

I realize that you may not be as fragile as I make of you, but somehow, I can feel the hurt inflicted upon you. Words are just words, impressions are just impressions, but one cannot deny that even the simplest of impressions and words can inflict such a great amount of pain. Even if you claim you are the least emotionally-driven person in this world, certainly there are times when you cannot bear it anymore, and for that, I promise to stay by your side, supporting your every endeavor even when no one dares to.

And that is all I can give you after all what you have done for me. You have changed my life in so many ways, I cannot even imagine my life without having met you. You might think this is weird, because I have never met you and you do not know that I exist, and I know you enough to realize that you will most probably find this creepy, but the truth is... you mean a lot to me. You do, because as I've said, you have done so much for me. You're always there when I feel sad; when I feel like giving up, you become this ray of hope that pushes me to keep going. Whether you are aware of this fact or not, I am fairly certain that you are happy with what you are doing. And for that, I am happy, too. Every time you express how much happy you are, my world brightens without hesitation.

In all honesty, I do not know how on earth I will be able to satisfy these strong feelings. I may have helplessly attached myself to you; and helpless is right, because I am now deep within this trap, and I know what even if I wanted to, I would not be able to get out of it anymore. Helpless, because, honestly, I have no clue what to do with you, with these feelings. I wish I could say how much I care about you. More than any other guy -- any other "real" guy -- I have fallen for. Albeit in my wildest fantasies, I think of various scenarios about us, but in the end, I can only wish that you would be happy, and stay happy.

I love you with all my heart, and your happiness is my way of sending you my love.

I can only wish you the best,
Jessie

This is for you: 私の王子様、二宮和也。 I hope this reaches you someday. ジェシーより。

"I'm glad I met you" @ 1:48 PM |

"I know you're out there."

I turn back time to relive each moment...
I turn back time to revive each emotion I've felt...
I turn back time to feel the happiness I have sensed some time in my life.

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THE ONE

Name: Jessie Age: 31
Writer, dreamer, fangirl.

Fandoms:
Whose Line is it Anyway?, House M.D., Doctor Who, The Office, Psych, Saturday Night Live, The Lonely Island, Community, Criminal Minds, New Girl, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, 嵐 (Arashi), V6, Snow Man, The Backstreet Boys, The Beatles, Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party, Rooster Teeth, Achievement Hunter and Funhaus, G4TV, Watcher.

Favorites:
Robert Sean Leonard, Hugh Laurie, David Tennant, Jason Mraz, Clay Aiken, Ryan Stiles, Colin Mochrie, Jeff B. Davis, 二宮和也 (Ninomiya Kazunari), Bill Hader, Matthew Gray Gubler, 井ノ原快彦 (Inohara Yoshihiko), 阿部亮平 (Abe Ryohei), 深澤辰哉 (Fukazawa Tatsuya), Danny Sexbang, Jon Risinger, Michael Jones, Lindsay Jones, Fiona Nova and Alfredo Diaz.

OTHER WORLDS

Official accounts:
Twitter: Follow this for official website matters, writing or all Western fandoms, or this for Japanese fandoms (I write in Japanese or English, but mostly English because my Japanese skills suck ass).
Tumblr (main)
Tumblr (Queen/BoRhap)
Twitch
I am also:
taboonalady on Instagram
soulmatesolace on Snapchat

SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

CREATION

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Urban*Faery's skins
*Faeryvixen's skins*
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WHY LOVE FANDOM? ♥

Because he's the reason I'm not depressed rn. ♥