*Turning back time...with life's goodness.*

Sunday, December 04, 2011

in a bout of desperation

Never have I been disappointed in this real, actual life. Delusions and daydreaming aside, some have been constantly making life harder for me, forcing me to lose this optimism permanently. Even those I've trusted for a long time have shattered such trust almost effortlessly (which hurts me all the more).

And because I can't say it over at FB where my nephews and nieces can read it and other relatives can give me advice for it (when really, I don't freaking need it), might as well say it here: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE.

Whether they cared a little or not at all, I don't care anymore. Just fucking leave me alone. And yes, appearing in my dreams is just as unforgivable as trying to talk to me.

/sighs ...I'm just tired. Doing all what I could, I don't want to reach out anymore. That's all.

What prompted me to write this entry?

Reading blog entries as far back as 2007 made me reminisce; I often ranted about school and my ~~non-existent~~ connections with certain people, but I also talked a lot about what made me happy and what made me hope strongly ~~being the hopeless romantic that I am~~. So many things have happened in my life during that time and since then.

But in this bout of desperation, I only wish for one thing.

I have been less hopeful than I was five (or even four) years ago, but I have to say that after everything, it is only what's left of my wishes. I'd rather wish for just that than wish for anything else in my life right now, and maybe that's saying something. If only the chances of that happening were as big as that of raining during the fall season. If only.

/sighs again

Which is why it's the only thing I'm praying for constantly. Maybe if I prayed enough to the heavens, He would hear me and know that it's the only wish I want to come true.

I don't know. Maybe this is just one of those late-night ramblings that doesn't make sense. Maybe I just want to release this frustration somehow. Maybe I just really want it to happen.

But I will continue to hope. No matter what happens.

And I hope He is listening.

"I'm glad I met you" @ 2:14 AM |

"I know you're out there."

I turn back time to relive each moment...
I turn back time to revive each emotion I've felt...
I turn back time to feel the happiness I have sensed some time in my life.

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THE ONE

Name: Jessie Age: 31
Writer, dreamer, fangirl.

Fandoms:
Whose Line is it Anyway?, House M.D., Doctor Who, The Office, Psych, Saturday Night Live, The Lonely Island, Community, Criminal Minds, New Girl, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, 嵐 (Arashi), V6, Snow Man, The Backstreet Boys, The Beatles, Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party, Rooster Teeth, Achievement Hunter and Funhaus, G4TV, Watcher.

Favorites:
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