*Turning back time...with life's goodness.*

Saturday, April 28, 2012

remember me?

First things first.

Happy 6th birthday, my dearest blog.

You have been the oldest blog I've ever had (without eventually resorting to deleting or abandoning it), and you know that I have been thankful for your existence solely due to the fact that I can say almost everything through writing. To be honest, you have helped me resolve so many of my ~~emotional~~ issues that I can never tell anyone, not even the closest of my friends. You have always been the only one I run to, because I know I won't be judged for my naivety or stupidity or whatever you call this weird thing that I possess.

So, forgive me if I cannot veer away from writing yet another "unresolved issue", but I simply cannot stop thinking about it.

I keep on wondering why it is.

Logic has dictated that we will never meet again -- at least not in the same convenient circumstance as before -- so that should be enough to convince me that we will never meet again.

Yet somehow, whenever I get the chance to seriously and honestly muse about it, I end up admitting it...

I wish we are still friends.

No matter how much I've regretted that we only remained friends (and nothing more), now I find myself reminiscing those times when we were, and it always frustrates me to no end that you were so nice to me ~~at the time~~, and yet I always hated you -- for a lack of a better word -- for not noticing me the way I wanted you to.

At this rate, you are the last person I'll ever get over, probably. And it's not only because I have always been thinking about you lately.

I've gotten over my first love recently. You want to know why? Because upon seeing him for the first time in the last 5 years, I realized I have been pining for the jerkiest person in the world. And my friends have been saying that for years! (About him being an absolute jerk.) It was only at that moment that I felt that I didn't need him anymore, and I never have.

But I knew it only felt right to "let him go", because he has been a jerk to me.

You weren't.

I've only wanted to say you were a jerk as well because I want to forget how I felt about you just like how I did with him. You were fun to talk to. You were concerned about what I had done the night before. You often listened as I blabbered on about something that never interested you. You were weird, but you admitted that you found me weird, too. You were nice. And to be honest, I've never had someone like that around me because I know, as well as my closest friends, that I freakin' forgive jerks like him and ignore people like you. But you made it to a point that I didn't have to do that anymore.

This is hard for me to admit, but. Maybe I still like you. Maybe it's the reason why I still haven't touched all of those things that reminded me of you -- even though every single freakin' day I wanted to tell everyone what nice things you did to me years ago. I still wanted to say that you had become a good friend to me.

It only depresses me because we never talk anymore. There came a time that there was no reason for us to meet regularly anymore (or even at all) so everything ended just like that. And I wanted you to prove to me that you were still interested -- that despite the lack of opportunity to actually communicate regularly that you would still try -- but you didn't.

And up to this day I'm still trying to convince myself that your lack of interest has been more than enough to forget about you entirely. Care to guess if I succeeded?

Everything I've written so far is very hard to admit to myself, to tell you the truth, but somehow, words here are just flying endlessly off the top of my head. I guess, I still do think about you more than I'd like to.

*sighs* Or maybe I'm just reminiscing -- after all, it will be three years from the day that we first met.

"I'm glad I met you" @ 2:07 AM |

"I know you're out there."

I turn back time to relive each moment...
I turn back time to revive each emotion I've felt...
I turn back time to feel the happiness I have sensed some time in my life.

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THE ONE

Name: Jessie Age: 31
Writer, dreamer, fangirl.

Fandoms:
Whose Line is it Anyway?, House M.D., Doctor Who, The Office, Psych, Saturday Night Live, The Lonely Island, Community, Criminal Minds, New Girl, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, 嵐 (Arashi), V6, Snow Man, The Backstreet Boys, The Beatles, Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party, Rooster Teeth, Achievement Hunter and Funhaus, G4TV, Watcher.

Favorites:
Robert Sean Leonard, Hugh Laurie, David Tennant, Jason Mraz, Clay Aiken, Ryan Stiles, Colin Mochrie, Jeff B. Davis, 二宮和也 (Ninomiya Kazunari), Bill Hader, Matthew Gray Gubler, 井ノ原快彦 (Inohara Yoshihiko), 阿部亮平 (Abe Ryohei), 深澤辰哉 (Fukazawa Tatsuya), Danny Sexbang, Jon Risinger, Michael Jones, Lindsay Jones, Fiona Nova and Alfredo Diaz.

OTHER WORLDS

Official accounts:
Twitter: Follow this for official website matters, writing or all Western fandoms, or this for Japanese fandoms (I write in Japanese or English, but mostly English because my Japanese skills suck ass).
Tumblr (main)
Tumblr (Queen/BoRhap)
Twitch
I am also:
taboonalady on Instagram
soulmatesolace on Snapchat

SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

CREATION

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Urban*Faery's skins
*Faeryvixen's skins*
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WHY LOVE FANDOM? ♥

Because he's the reason I'm not depressed rn. ♥