Anyway, I am here now because yesterday, I suddenly thought of writing about what has happened so far in my life, I guess since the last time I wrote here. Sadly, I really haven't had time to write because: (1) I've been travelling so much -- since March, three times (!!) as of this writing, making that five times so far during this year alone; and (2) I recently started taking classes with my parents for the sake of the hospital. And of course, watching YouTube and my favorite shows goes in between of those two, so yeah. I pretty much don't have time for "anything else" anymore. Wish I did, though. I mean, I still have free time here and there, but it's not as fun as it used to be, with me wishing I didn't have deadlines to worry about. /sighs

I still don't understand how I ended up here, when I'm supposed to be applying to Japanese Language Schools by now, but I guess having not enough savings for that contributes to the delay as well. Now, I'm okay with going through that plan by 2016, instead of 2015 (April then October) like previously planned. I don't know; I'm a pretty fickle-minded person and I don't feel bothered as much when things don't go my way... for a while at least. I can only go so far.

But yeah, this only goes for a year. After that, I ain't taking any more of this bullshit. Nah-uh. I wouldn't be able to take it anymore. Time to do things that I want. I'm only putting up with it now because the hospital needs it, because I want to accompany my parents, and because it's only for a year. Anything beyond that, I am only trying to tolerate for now.


Oh gosh, that went serious fast; I apologize. I wanted to write here to tell you about the fun things! Like Chris being single! And giving me hope like Mr. Soulmate did before he got attached! Because he is single now!

...I want to explain that. So I didn't know that Chris /coughyouknowwhocough/ became single recently, and that how made me shift my attention to him because, duh. I've accepted the fact that Mr. Soulmate won't be single for a while (...not that I'm wishing him to be single soon because THAT'S UNFAIR and if he's happy, why the fuck would I do that to someone I've truly cared about?) so continuing this delusion with him does not work -- honestly, I tried. This meant it had to be someone single. It just so happened that I'd adored Chris since the first time I saw him, so being given this opportunity was just so fucking good timing. It does not help that he keeps on professing on national TV that he's "totally single" and showing off series of dating mishaps he's had recently. Like, my god Chris, stop giving me hope like Mr. Soulmate used to give me when he was "single". Because I do tend to cling on hope as if I'm hanging on the edge of a cliff. I'm desperate; I've always been desperate. Chances like this are hard to come by, especially for a contradicting person like me who crave for someone to be with yet have a hard time trusting men. I mean.

In a way, I do like it. Not going to lie, it's a good feeling to have again, after so long. After a fucking year of finding that sense of hope, it's a good thing. The only problem now is it requires for him to be single for a while, which he probably doesn't want, especially at his age. XD But all I ask, Chris, is for you to be single for at least a year. I need you right now, in my sweet, crazy delusions. (God, why do I sound so scary right now...)

But whatever happens, I'd still adore him like I did Mr. Soulmate. Mr. SM was someone I'd built my world upon and despite the shitty, shitty pain I experienced in the past year, I soon started to realize that no matter how much pain I went through, he's still the person I'd pertain to as my "soulmate", It clearly does not apply to either of us anymore in relation to each other, but it doesn't mean it wasn't a good time for me, nor it means that he's someone I'd banish in my life forever. I just can't bring myself to do that, to be honest. It's just now, this particular feeling of yearning needs to be projected to someone else so I don't feel as much pain. I bet he understands that of all people.


Okay, moving on. (Ha! Get it?) So I recently came from a vacation to the States (Alaskan cruise, Seattle, and a little bit of Los Angeles), which I deem to be the shortest I've had in terms of the experience, because my god, I barely did anything in that trip. I don't feel as accomplished, even as a tourist, because nothing was happening at all. Maybe it's because I wanted to stay at LA for longer. I mean, I had been pushing it from the day we booked the trip (i.e. February), but my mom insisted we stay at Seattle instead, which I admit was fun (and short orz), but LOS ANGELES. Next to New York two years back, that's the place I've been wanting to explore in the same way. Conan shoots there, @midnight shoots there, a lot of favorite people live there... and Comic-fucking-Con! (Well, not LA but they're in same state, at least.) These things are definitely in my bucket list so going there would cross off A LOT in that goddamn list. Next year. I swear. That's the only trip I'd be excited to go, aside from V6's 20th Anniversary Concert of course. NEXT FUCKING YEAR. And maybe I'll see Moshe too~


/whew Rant's out finally in that last paragraph, which is what I really wanted to get off my chest when I first thought about writing this entry. XD Sorry if this seemed so scattered and messy, I just wanted to write so I could see if I still could, obviously since my writing skills have not been exercised lately.

And I know I promised that V6 entry, but it all got lost up in there. :( Hopefully it comes back and when it does, I will write about it. For now, I want to go to LA. ;A;

Oh and btw, I AM GOING TO TOKYO NEXT WEEK TO WATCH TONISEN HEHEHEHE >:D I get to see my favorite trio of ojisans again :"D ♥♥♥